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Posts Tagged ‘slice of lfe’

A usual day for grocery shopping? Not.

As I slammed down the door, my 80 year-old mother screamed after me, “DON’T FORGET THE CRACKERS!!” So at 1 in the morning my mother sent me out for crackers for some food craving–and she’s not even pregnant.light

So I went to Walmart. Inside, walking around the “junk foods” section I stopped and stared in amazement. Two groups of couples were having a grocery cart race! As I watched, the two guys climbed into their carts, then the girls pushed as hard as they could then start their cheerleading routine. As the two guys zoomed down the main isle one smashed into a cash register.

Then a sleepy voice announced over the speakerphones, “the gwuy with the fat belly is winner. He wins a year’s swupply of Rits crackers.” The guy who didn’t smash himself into the cash register stood up and yelled “I won!” The other started yelling insanities and started trowing anything at the winner–cans, boxes, fruits–anything he could get his hands on. Pretty soon a couple of employees dragged him and his girl outside of the store .

But seeing that gave me an idea. I saw our next door neighbors, Diane and Cole Smit walking down the “Movies” isle. I discreetly gabbed a box of Ritz cracker, and walked over to where they were. Cole was looking at a cover of a dvd and yawning incessantly. I came up and said “Hey Cole, Hey Diane!”

“Hey,” yawned Cole.

“Oh hey girl! What are you doing here at his time of night? Can’t sleep?” asked Diane. She seemed very hyper. I guess she had too much chocolate. I remember seeing Cole buying a huge box of chocolates the other day. I guess it was for their wedding anniversary.

“No, not really. What about you? Had too much chocolate?”

Her face grew red, signaling that I hit bulls eye.

“Hey, isn’t that Jacky Chan over there? Omg it’s Jacky Chan!!” I yelled, and started jumping up and down, faking my performance quite nicely, I thought.

She gasped, and dropped the two dvds she had in her hands. “Where? Where?” she screeched, letting all the effects of the chocolates show through. I slipped the Ritz box of crackers in her basket. Even Cole has stopped yawning and was looking for Jacky Chan, so I think my performance had been first-class.

“Just kidding!” I said with a big smile and a wink. Diane’s face grew so red it looked like the setting sun. I ran and disappeared around the next corner before she could say another word.

I grabbed more Ritz boxes and continued to search for more victims. I would bump into people, trip them, or distract them by shooting one of those kiddie arrows and making heavy objects like soup cans come thundering down to the ground. And then I’d always slip in the Ritz cracker box when they’re weren’t looking. After about 1 hour of hard work I had got every customer in the store.

When I got home, I heard yells coming out of Diane’s and Cole’s house. Me and my mother opened our back door and heard,

“What do you mean you didn’t buy this? I thought we were in a committed relationship that involved to NOT lying to each other! WHY are you LYING to me?” obviously that came from Diane.

“Well, I’m not lying, and I didn’t buy the darn crackers! Would you leave me ALONE! You won’t let me sleep, you won’t let me do anything! And DON”T start blaming my mother!” yelled Cole.

“I’m not talking about your stupid mother! I’m talking about YOU!” yelled Diane.

“There you go blaming my mother again! Would you stop–!”

There was a thudding noise, and yelp, and slammed door and the sound of a car starting and zooming off.

“AND DON’T COME BACK!” screamed Cole out his front door.

Me and my mother looked at each other in opened-mouth surprise.

“Oops!” I said to myself.”Amazing what you can do with a box of crackers.”

~~from the observing antennas of a butterfly…

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